Coper Coper Crime Stopper

Some things I think should be illegal: 1. Smoking in the car. With a kid. Really? Anyone should be able to pull you over, slap you open handed, hug your child, and send you on your way. You wouldn't want me popping my ebola boils in YOUR face, so why would you subject your sweet little child to CANCEROUS second hand smoke? You are the BUTT in this story. Just saying. 2. Blaring your inappropriate music with every window in your car rolled down.Personally, I am not into music with lyrics like " (*&$ P$E*&(* #)(*$&!!" Just not my style. And even if I do rock out to the occasional booty tune when my kids are NOT in the car, I certainly do not subject others to my musical mayhem but turning the volume up so loud the MIR space station can catch my jam. If there are more "radio edits" happening than actual lyrics, I beg you to ROLL UP THE WINDOW or TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. I am sure you are a fabulous person, really, but I just don't have the energy to explain the my kid's Sunday School teacher why he keeps calling all the girls _itches. Not happenin. 3. Library fines on kids books. Okay, maybe this shouldn't be illegal, but let's be real. You should be celebrating the fact that I even read to my kids. Hello, we could be watching t.v. all day like other kids. And I cannot keep up with half the stuff we actually OWN, much less something I borrowed from someone else. Yikes. I mean, I brought the book back to you one year month late. Do you need to charge me for that? I should get a gold star for finding it under the couch!!!!! Do you have any idea how many crumbs it was buried under? It's a miracle, really. 4. Rompers. For any age. Sure, they are cute. But unless you have a catheter for some reason, not the most practical of garments. You are begging for your child to wet her pants. Begging. 5. Shoes that do weird things. What do you mean? Fine, I'll tell you. Exhibit A...those shoes that light up. Do you WANT a seizure? Or maybe you LIKE it when your kid is either running or stomping repeatedly in the store just to see his cool shoes light up. Sure, they are helpful at night. But having a toddler run. at night. in the dark. is stupid. or maybe I should say unsafe. So what good are those light up shoes, really? Exhibit B...those shoes, no wait, roller blades. Have you ever had a kid go roller on you? It will mess with your mind. All of a sudden he is walking right in front of you and then BAM, he rolls.this.close.to.you. because his roller-speed totally caught you off guard. And then you feel dumb for not anticipating his move. I mean, it is totally normal for someone to be casually walking and then sprout wheels. Totally.