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Dear Non-Profit Group/ Politician/ Clothing Pick Up:

I appreciate what you are trying to do. Really. I am all for donating money to the Native American reservations that are running out of food. And I am not in any way against labeling a bag of baby blankets we not longer need and placing them on my front porch for you to pick up between the hours of 7:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. Fine. And what kind of American would I be if I didn't give the Democrat/Republican/Independent man or woman a chance to inform me if his/her platform. Yeah Freedom of Speech.

But for the love of all things holy, STOP CALLING MY HOUSE. Pardon my all-caps explosion but you need to understand where I am coming from. You see, in Mommyland, there is no "am I catching you at a good time." Ummmmm, unless you are calling me at 9:00pm and I have not yet fallen asleep on the couch pretending to still be cool and watch a movie with my husband. THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME.

Unless you plan on putting my baby back to sleep AFTER THE PHONE RANG 4 TIMES AND WOKE HER UP, you are not getting my vote. Thank you very much. If I didn't like your policies before I ran down two flights of stairs, almost wrecking a lego tower on the way, and tripping over a single shoe (because why, oh why would the pair be together!!!!), your pre-recorded message (yes, I realize that is redundant...hush) is not exactly going to sway my opinion in your favor. In fact, calling my phone may actually turn me against you. Just sayin.

The moral of the story is: save your funds. Do not cold call my number. It is no use. I like you, I really do. What I do not like is the drama that ensues when I am distracted by the phone. "ma'm can I just ask you a few questions?" NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO. You may not. Unless you are planning to potty train my child in return for my response, please move to the next name on this list. Perhaps if a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser was the "free gift" I will receive after giving your organization money-- because my youngest got into my lipstick while I was taking that QUICK survey, take me off your list.

Kindly,

Manic Mom