Motherhood Matters

National Squirrel Day

2012-01-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

Did you know that January 21st is National Squirrel Day? Me neither. At least until last week. Just in case you had a rough day, read ahead to feel a whole lot better about yourself. Compared to me, you are amazing. My hubby had to go out of town for work. I was keeping the home fires burning with our three kiddos. Not so bad. Morning one of my endeavor, my oldest runs upstairs to tell me she is pretty sure some animal just fell through the chimney into the fireplace. WHAT?????????????????????? If you know my at all you are aware of my DEEP fear of birds. Lovely creatures. But they terrify me. Mostly because they seem to always fly into my hair. So I am thinking some nasty bird is now trapped in my fireplace, ready to sprint out (into my hair) at any given moment. It could have bird flu or SARS or anyone of those gross bird illnesses you hear about. Dramatic much? The other option is a squirrel. Less scary to me than a bird, but faster, sneakier and more hyper. I cautiously poke the fireplace screen, hoping against hope that my daughter was wrong and that it was just the wind. Fail! As soon as I touched the metal slidey thing (as you can see I am well versed in fireplace part terminology), there is confirmed movement. Craptastic. So I corrale all the little people into a bedroom upstairs and call in reinforcements. I would love to write this from the perspective of a Mom Hero who single-handedly captured the squirrel, thus saving her family from potential rabies, and also kindly releasing said squirrel back into its natural habitat. Peace love recycle and all that. However the truth is a bit less glamorous. I has my poor neighbor hunt down that squirrel like a pair of Torri Burch shoes 75% off. What did I do? Cowered on the stairs almost sucking my thumb. The thought of a rodent being in my house was not THAT big of a deal. The thought of a rodent jumping out at me from any location at any moment...B-I-G deal. It camped out in the fireplace while we were home making noise, so we set a Have a Heart trap with some peanut butter apple slices and got out of dodge. When we got back from our errands, a lamp was knocked off the console table, a red apple on the kitchen counter looked like someone exploded it with a bottle rocket, and the trap was empty. As in completely empty. No apple slices. Hmmmmmm. Apparently, just like you need to close your flue after you use the fireplace, you also need to make sure the trap is set. Oops! So we go back outside for round two. Squirrel will not come out if he knows we are even on the front porch. I cannot say that I blame him. We are a rowdy bunch. Oh, I should also mention that I had invited a few of my girlfriends over to hangout that night. At this point I am debating whether I need to tell them that a squirrel may or may not jump on their face during our evening together. I go about my evening, vacuuming up squirrel poo and picking up all the things he got into while partying in my den. Imagine my surprise when I pull the trashcan out to empty the Dyson and OMG there is my friend Squirrel. RIGHT THERE. Words came out if my mouth I am not proud of, but I was freaking out. The kids were in another room, thankfully. They would have gotten in big trouble for repeating my squirrel discovery language. Neighbor comes back over, makes a pathway with furniture, umbrellas, and a bucket and scares the squirrel out of the cabinet and into the trap. Where was I? Yep, halfway up the stairs. Good to know I can depend on myself in a time of parenting crisis. If you were curious, squirrels can have awesome diarrhea when they are trapped and scared. That was fun to clean up, too. But at least the drama was over. My neighbor earned his Good Samaritan badge, I was rodent free, and my friends could safely chat without fear of rabid animals lurking near. I am now an obsessive flue checker. Happy National Squirrel Day folks!

Magic Baby Powers

2012-01-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

My two year old has magic powers. Forget unicorns. She does not even need a horn to do her tricks. If she closes her eyes, she becomes invisible so that even though I am telling her NOT to climb up onto the countertop for the 40,000 time, I cannot actually see her. Because she has her eyes closed. Magic.Likewise, when she walks backwards it does not count as disobedience. Because when you walk backwards no one can tell that you are moving. OOOOOHHHHHHHHH! Look out Leprechans! My two year old has some magic on you. I can be right in the middle of telling her NOT to go upstairs and she just steps back a few spaces. And to me she just looks like an angel with a sparkling halo, feet firmly planted just where they were. Because backwards is not real. Oh the joys of toddler magic. Another one of her little secrets is that if she lays down on the floor, of say, the car, you cannot see her. Yep, she vanished into this air. So when I call for her to get out of the truck. Or ask her to come wash her hands and she just DROPS to the floor like a tornado drill, amazingly she can do whatever she wants. Because I cannot even see her. She is gone. Crazy, huh. I think the next time I have to pass through the perfume section of the mall I will do waking backwards with my eyes closed before I fall to the floor.

Fashion Rules According to Motherhood

2012-01-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I based my clothing purchases on how stylish they were. On how good my butt looked in those jeans. On how well the cut of the jacket showed off all those sit ups I did each night.Now I buy clothes based on how many pockets they have. There is nothing more frustrating that standing at the checkout counter and having to dig through my mom purse trying to find my Kroger Plus card or keys while wrestling a two year old and keeping a safe eye on my other two darlings.Enter the hoodie. My new Best Friend. I can stick my keys, cell phone, and debit card in all those glorious pockets and still have room for a shopping list. It is heaven, I tell ya, heaven. My husband has a similar parenting infatuation with the cargo pant (camo at that), but I tried to explain that after delivering 3 children these ole birthing hips do not need the added puff of 40,000 pockets, convenient though they be.So if you ever run into my husband/mother/in laws looking for that perfect gift, send them to the unibomber aisle and tell them to get me a hoodie. It is the next best thing (and way cheaper) to having an additional arm surgically attached. I looked into it, trust me.

Diapers and wipes, and lotion Oh MY

2011-12-02T05:50:00.001-08:00

We have talked about how many diapers you will go through. And wipes. I love to shop as much as the next girl, but when it involves a 20 minute loading of the car, taking a baby out in the cold, and lugging a carseat around my enthusiasm wanes.One suggestion is buying diapers online. True, it does not work for that moment when you are down to the last one and you FREAK OUT wondering just how much poo and pee a diaper can hold. But for all the other times when you see what your stash is getting a little low, head over to www.diapers.com. Type in the code ALLI1367 and save $10 off your first order. They have very competitive prices and email coupons all the time (if you opt for them).Amazon and other sites sell diapers ,too. So what makes Diapers.com the beesknees (is that even how you spell that?)... they carry every baby product pretty much every made for great prices and ship it fast right to your cute little door step. And the kicker is that they are a family of companies like www.soap.com (for soap, lotions, bathing stuff) and www.yoyo.com (for toys and seriously cute stuff), and last but not least www.wag.com for your pets. Did I mention they are all linked together? So four stores with one cart. And coupons apply to any of them. Hello easy.Personally, I would rather save my babysitting for a day of shipping for me. When I can hit the dressing room or actually think about what I am buying. For diapers and all other booty related items, I say they are just a click away.

A Grocery Store Confession

2011-11-22T04:36:00.001-08:00

Forgive me Cashier, for I have sinned. Sort of.Yesterday the kids and I went to the grocery store. Big surprise there. And as we are checking out the wow-you-are-super-nice-and-helpful man at Trader Joe's is scanning my goods and bagging them all while whistling and smiling and doing that Trader Joe's thing they do. Hi, my name is Allison and I am addicted to Trader Joe's.As I am watching him in his happy process, I am slightly embarrassed at the three opened boxes of cereal bars. One for each kid. Before you freak out, they did not eat the whole box. But let us just say there may or may not have been an empty foil wrapper in each cardboard container. Just sayin. But, hey, you gotta do what cha gotta do.I mean, what is better for the public good, three really hungry kids in the middle of a grocery store or an open container (not the naughty adult term thank you very much although a little Mommy Cocktail would make shopping with three kids a bit less stressful)? I laugh at how much we eat just to make it through the store. Some people go to the store at a certain time because they know the samples are out. Not us. We make our own sample party. Only our samples we pay for so Clark Howard is not as proud. Boo. Unloading the cart is like an episode of Scooby Doo. Oh look, Velma, a banana peel. And some cracker crumbs. And, gasp, I see something shiny and metallic. No, not a projector for a fake ghost. Just an organic granola bar. Sorry Scoob. Sometimes I feel like I should buy one sacrifice item. You know, the box of __________ the kids can munch on while we are shopping. That would save me from checking out with seven already opened half empty items. I get stressed at night worrying that when I get to heaven God is going to ask me about all the bananas my kids ate before checking out that technically I never paid for. I should probably seek some counseling for that.I am hoping I at least get some props for variety. Here, have a cracker, now a banana, here is a slice of pastrami from the deli counter, and yes! a cookie from the bakery. It is like a movable feast.

Going Green

2011-11-10T12:27:00.001-08:00

I have not written in FOR.ever. Partly because my sleeps all day does not know how to walk baby has magically transformed into a one afternoon nap climbs on everything pens and scissors are fun toddler. So my down time has taken a huge nose dive. Not that staying home with her is not worth it. But between Pinterest and taking care of the house/husband/kids, who has time to blog?Part of my Pinterest addiction is legit. Fine, so it is the smallest part. But I AM really working on some things around the house. My husband and I believe that although a home should be a warm and happy place where the family can party on and not feel like there is virtual plastic covers on all the furniture, we also ascribe to the rule that the kids and their stuff should not dominate the house. Hence the basement.When we bought our house I envisioned it as a glorious playroom for our five years from now family. Instead it turned out to be my husband's home office and mancave. I do not even attempt to take away the mancave. I firmly believe that a happy marriage has a space where a man can be a man and I do not have to know what goes on. Burping. Flatulence. And all sorts of scatological goodies or sporting events that he can enjoy. Alone. While I watch Jamie Oliver or Nate Berkus. Upstairs. We have plenty of time together and I love him more today than when we met. (except for that time he asked me to faux finish my daughter's room). Faux is a four letter word. But I digress.So his office is down there. And the other half is our adult space. Where watch Hawaii Five O and Parks and Recreation. And Whitney. Oh my! It is a kid free zone and we want it to be a sophisticated place we can relax. No primary colors. No musical toys. No team decor either. What is the problem, woman? Green carpet. Gasp. The room came with green carpet. And I do not mean green like good for the environment. I mean green like holy seventies time warp Batman. And I am at a loss.I have three kids and I want to have at least one more. Maybe two. Maybe. But I NEED this adult getaway. Right now it is the place where all our hand me down furniture goes to die. We have recently added a few newer pieces, but now I need to finish it out. Yikes. Calling on any ideas for what in tarnation to do with a room with green carpet.I should point out that we have a partial basement. Long narrow. Drop ceilings. Awkward soffett. The one below is similar. But I HAVE GREEN CARPET.

Coper Coper Crime Stopper

2011-09-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

Some things I think should be illegal:1. Smoking in the car. With a kid. Really? Anyone should be able to pull you over, slap you open handed, hug your child, and send you on your way. You wouldn't want me popping my ebola boils in YOUR face, so why would you subject your sweet little child to CANCEROUS second hand smoke? You are the BUTT in this story. Just saying.2. Blaring your inappropriate music with every window in your car rolled down.Personally, I am not into music with lyrics like " (*&$ P$E*&(* #)(*$&!!" Just not my style. And even if I do rock out to the occasional booty tune when my kids are NOT in the car, I certainly do not subject others to my musical mayhem but turning the volume up so loud the MIR space station can catch my jam. If there are more "radio edits" happening than actual lyrics, I beg you to ROLL UP THE WINDOW or TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. I am sure you are a fabulous person, really, but I just don't have the energy to explain the my kid's Sunday School teacher why he keeps calling all the girls _itches. Not happenin.3. Library fines on kids books. Okay, maybe this shouldn't be illegal, but let's be real. You should be celebrating the fact that I even read to my kids. Hello, we could be watching t.v. all day like other kids. And I cannot keep up with half the stuff we actually OWN, much less something I borrowed from someone else. Yikes. I mean, I brought the book back to you one ~~year~~ month late. Do you need to charge me for that? I should get a gold star for finding it under the couch!!!!! Do you have any idea how many crumbs it was buried under? It's a miracle, really.4. Rompers. For any age. Sure, they are cute. But unless you have a catheter for some reason, not the most practical of garments. You are begging for your child to wet her pants. Begging. 5. Shoes that do weird things. What do you mean? Fine, I'll tell you. Exhibit A...those shoes that light up. Do you WANT a seizure? Or maybe you LIKE it when your kid is either running or stomping repeatedly in the store just to see his cool shoes light up. Sure, they are helpful at night. But having a toddler run. at night. in the dark. is stupid. or maybe I should say unsafe. So what good are those light up shoes, really? Exhibit B...those shoes, no wait, roller blades. Have you ever had a kid go roller on you? It will mess with your mind. All of a sudden he is walking right in front of you and then BAM, he rolls.this.close.to.you. because his roller-speed totally caught you off guard. And then you feel dumb for not anticipating his move. I mean, it is totally normal for someone to be casually walking and then sprout wheels. Totally.

2011-09-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo (did you count all those o's?) not ready for the next baby, but one day, one day. Right now we are just enjoying having one baby at a time. What is really breaking my will power (as if I am really in charge of all this anyway), is all the cute baby stuff on the market. Really. It is like going to the Atlanta Cupcake Factory while on a diet. Torture. Here are a few of the unfortunately adorable things I have been finding. Girl, why are you LOOKING? Great question. I blame my pregnant friends and their fabulous baby showers. It is all their fault. 1. bObles modern play room goodies. So much better than ANYTHING in primary colors. ANYTHING.

2. Crib bedding from Carousel Designs. Make right here in River City (and by that I mean Georgia). They have many swoon worthy sets and pieces to mix and match. I like this gender neutral chevron bumper. I say that as if I will EVER have a boy.

3. Burp Cloths and other fabric options that do not look like Mother Goose puked them up. In other words, MODERN, fresh, without Looney Tunes characters or fuzzy ducks. And if Mother Goose happens to be reading my blog today, sorry sister. Nothing personal.

4. And the clothes, oy vay, the clothes. Can you tell I am the opposite of fluent in Yiddish? Thought so. Anyhoos, I could go broke buying baby clothes. Why, why, why, my biological clock ~~sanity~~ want to know, does there have to be such ~~tempting~~ cute stuff?

I might need to start blogging about dandruff. It will be cheaper and less likely to result in a minivan.

ring ring ring

2011-09-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Non-Profit Group/ Politician/ Clothing Pick Up:

I appreciate what you are trying to do. Really. I am all for donating money to the Native American reservations that are running out of food. And I am not in any way against labeling a bag of baby blankets we not longer need and placing them on my front porch for you to pick up between the hours of 7:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. Fine. And what kind of American would I be if I didn't give the Democrat/Republican/Independent man or woman a chance to inform me if his/her platform. Yeah Freedom of Speech.

But for the love of all things holy, STOP CALLING MY HOUSE. Pardon my all-caps explosion but you need to understand where I am coming from. You see, in Mommyland, there is no "am I catching you at a good time." Ummmmm, unless you are calling me at 9:00pm and I have not yet fallen asleep on the couch pretending to still be cool and watch a movie with my husband. THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME.

Unless you plan on putting my baby back to sleep AFTER THE PHONE RANG 4 TIMES AND WOKE HER UP, you are not getting my vote. Thank you very much. If I didn't like your policies before I ran down two flights of stairs, almost wrecking a lego tower on the way, and tripping over a single shoe (because why, oh why would the pair be together!!!!), your pre-recorded message (yes, I realize that is redundant...hush) is not exactly going to sway my opinion in your favor. In fact, calling my phone may actually turn me against you. Just sayin.

The moral of the story is: save your funds. Do not cold call my number. It is no use. I like you, I really do. What I do not like is the drama that ensues when I am distracted by the phone. "ma'm can I just ask you a few questions?" NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO. You may not. Unless you are planning to potty train my child in return for my response, please move to the next name on this list. Perhaps if a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser was the "free gift" I will receive after giving your organization money-- because my youngest got into my lipstick while I was taking that QUICK survey, take me off your list.

Kindly,

Manic Mom

Red, White, and Blue

2011-09-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

With all of the patriotic memorials and celebrations surrounding September 11th, I realized I am a loser mom. Well, perhaps that is a little harsh. But I did realize that we do not own an American flag! Growing up we had a nice little hanger for it on the front porch and my mother was great about putting it out on special holidays, like Flag Day (shocker on that one), the 4th of July, Memorial Day, and a slew of others.

It was nice. I felt very patriotic and the flag was special. It made our house feel important, too. So I guess that now that I am 3? years old and have 3 kids and a husband, I should not wait around for my mother to put the flag out. I am the mother (scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) In my mind I am forever 16 and just expect the adult to take care of all that adult stuff. However the closest thing to 16 in my present day reality is my jean's size so it is time to take the baton.

Tomorrow I will be loading my crew into the truck and heading to the WalMart (that's how we say it in the South) and purchase myself an American flag, fancy holder and all. I know it will in some ways actually be a day late (but not a dollar short), but really showing pride in your country doesn't follow any of those white pants rules. My kids need to see that we are a family that loves this country. Grandma cannot have all the fun.

Zulily meets Matilda Jane

2011-09-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Click for the most adorable clothes for little girls. Sizes might replenish :)http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Shoes for Girls

2011-09-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

In case any of you are smitten with Joyfolie Shoes. Jessica, the designer/owner is offering 40% off the three styles available right now. Use the code SAVEBIG. We, ummm, might have just a few of her shoes. New fall styles will be ready September 8th, too.

And, yes, there are shoes for Mommy, too. Joyfolie

At the Breakfast Table

2011-09-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book, you might even say devouring, called Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt. It is full of insight and resources for developing a love of reading in your children as well as using living books to build a rich family connection.

I.love.it. It is only the fact that I borrowed it from my neighbor that is restraining me from underlining, highlighting, and annotating just about every word. And Gladys has a blog, too. Yep, I have been reading it. Even if you are not a teacher or a homeschool nerd like me I encourage you to look into her book. All parents read to their children and have books in their homes (or should anyway). Honey for a Child's Heart helps us know what books our children will beg us to read over and over and over again. And when the books are good, parents enjoy them just as much. I find that people who say they do not like to read have been given bad books to read. Adults, too. When someone finally shares with them a true treasure, the world of reading comes alive and they start living between the pages.

Anyhoo. Back to what happened at the breakfast table and how in the world it relates to Galdys Hunt... One of her assertions is that what parents value and make time for children will in turn view as important. She eloquently tells us to turn off the t.v. for most of the day and spend time exploring life with our kids.

Gladys told me that instead of stalking Pinterest while my children are eating lunch I should read them a Bible story and have fun discussing it with them (not over analyzing it mind you). So today while my three little gals were enjoying pastrami sandwiches and pineapple bits I read them the first chapter out of the The Living Bible Storybook. In case you are not a Bible dork, it covers God creating everything from light and birds right down to Adam and then Eve.

In a sweet and clear way this book discussed the first six days of creation and then the importance of the seventh day of rest. When we finished I followed the lead of Ms. Hunt and told my two older girls to come up with a question to see if Mommy was paying attention to the story. I was thinking they would come up with something silly or really basic because, well, they are 4 and 5. Shame on me! The four-year-old asked me what God said Adam COULD eat, which I thought showed insight. Next, the five-year-old wanted to know why God let Adam name all the animals instead of doing it Himself. Wowsers! That is a deep question. And not just for someone who is five.

Both questions led to a light yet meaningful chat about all the ways that God DOES provide for us even if there are some things He asks us to stay away from in our best interest. We were also able to talk about how God must think we are special because He allows us to be part of His work when really he could just do it all if He felt like it. I am simplifying the messages, but my goodness, can you see how just a short Bible story and two little questions led to such an amazing opportunity for talking about God?

I didn't prepare a lesson or have questions highlighted or written out on post-it notes. Just taking five minutes at the end of lunch reminded me of some important Biblical truths about how much God loves me. And it also showed my children that learning about God is important and fruitful.

I can hardly wait to see what we talk about tomorrow! And I hope by making this a healthy habit my girls will understand that knowing God, studying His Word, and living it out will fill them with a richness that is incomparable.

Be a GLAMom

2011-08-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need to dress up more. Even if I will be home all day. Even when my big outing is to the mailbox. Or maybe even the grocery store or story time. Yep. I have decided that everyday I need to do a few things.
1. Put on a fresh face. As in stop wearing the makeup from the day before!!! Yuck, I know. Each morning I am going to try to put on a little natural looking makeup when I wake up (not at 5:00 just before my husband comes home from work.)

2. I am going to put together a cute outfit that matches and has jewelry and cute shoes. Heck, I might even wear a dress sometimes. As home. With my kids.

3. My hair will be brushed and styled. It might even be curled. Shocker.

Now, I am not a slob (most of the time) and I do not lounge around in paint stained sweat pants most of the time. But I admit that my level of togetherness (pretend it is a real word for now) is not as fabulous as it could be. I could take it up a few notches for sure. While I am home.

So why in the sticks am I making all this fuss about looking together and polished while I am at home with my family? Because I am tired of "hollywood" and the "working woman" getting all the glory. Here I am, trying to impress upon my daughters (and my husband on some level, too) that being a stay at home mom is a great profession. That is it a worthy endeavor. That is wonderful and totally on the same level (if not a higher one) than being a famous actress or musician or CEO. And then I look at what my appearance is telling them and feel a bit guilty.

If I want girls to aspire to be a stay at home mom, shouldn't I do my part to show how truly important it is? What message am I sending when I look like a sloppy, tired mess most of the time? Not a very inspiring one. So my point is not to spend $40,000 on a new wardrobe or drop $300 on a pair of high heels. But I think there is a case for investing a little in my appearance in regards to how "glamorous" I make motherhood.

People sometimes scoff at the women from the 1940's and 50's. How they dressed up in heels and pearls to vacuum and make pot roast. But I think they were on to something. Motherhood was serious business. It was fancy and special. It was honorable and appreciated. My hope is that if we stay at home moms can make a concerted effort to make a concerted effort, if you know what I mean, the job of motherhood will be restored to its rightful place. Don't Tammy Faye Baker your face or anything, but take a few moments to make yourself look put together, modest and stylish. Think about all the images of women your children are seeing. Don't let the Kardashians have the last word on what a woman is all about!

Taste Bud Dud

2011-08-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

You know how "science" says that your taste buds change about every seven years? Well what the stink does "science" say about kids? Because I feel like my kids taste buds change about every seven hours. Heck, sometimes it is even every seven seconds.

I have had a kid eat the first five grapes, grinning with delight mind you, shoving them in one after another until I am nervous those full little cheeks and chin dripping with juice are going to choke. And then in the very next moment. Notice I did not say in the next millennium, this very same child spits out the eighth grape and throws the rest on the floor. WTF (what the fruit???????)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can you like grapes at 11:33 A.M. and then NOT like them at 11:37 ?????? If some scientist who has studied taste buds could just answer me that I would drink less homemade wine. (Hey, I didn't want to waste all those grapes). Kidding about the wine, but sooooo not kidding about the ever changing taste buds.

You go to the grocery store, which is a freak show in itself when you bring 3 kids five and under with you, and you do your derndest to get what everyone likes (while still challenging their developing palates of course BLAH BLAH).You are really stinkin excited at all the "good" food you got that all have a proven track record for success AND you had a coupon for every one of them. Heavens declare!!!

Only to have that item put on the Disguta List at the very next meal. I'll tell you something. I have given birth without pain meds. I have changed my own tire. I have read The Iliad AND The Odyssey. For fun! But I cry like a baby (and rage like a crazy woman) when my kids reject my food. Why, oh why, it hurts my feelings I will never understand. But it does. Some meals I think there is more junk on the floor afterwards than there is in the whole bloomin refrigerator. If you have a child 2 and under you might as well have a grated kitchen floor. Maybe the Dyson guy can work on that. In the meantime I will be experimenting with taste buds. Right now we are looking at Bitter and Sweet!!

While You Were Sleeping

2011-06-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

After my last post, I must follow up with something a little more sunny. In addition to those days I just want to walk out the front door and head for Aruba. alone. I more (wayyyyyy more) often than not have nights like this one...

Where no matter how frustrated you get you cannot wait until bedtime. And not because the Littles will finally be quiet. Because they are just so sweet when they are asleep. All snuggled up in their pajamas and blankets. Hair all a mess around their faces. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

When I head upstairs to read myself to sleep (I know, I party like a rockstar), I MUST stop into the kids' rooms for a peak. The big girls each get kissed and tucked in. Lord forbid they actually keep their covers on! And then on to the baby's room. She is the lightest sleeper in the universe, possibly even the tri-galaxy area. Don't care. So worth the risk of waking her to watch her sleep. You have to be a walking demon to not have your heart melt over a sleeping baby. In fact, businesses would do well to hire out sleeping babies (or maybe just a hologram cause it could be weird) and let stressed out employees sneak a sleeping peek to take the edge off. I tell ya, it is far cheaper than rehab.

I TRY to be quiet in the baby's room, but secretly I hope she wakes up. Not sure if I can claim "secretly" since I just blogged about it but oh well. Yeah, I want her to pop that sweaty head up out from the crib... all delirious and half asleep. It gives me a great excuse to cuddle her, kiss her, and put her right back to bed.

You cannot be angry or mad or stressed out when you are in the presence of sleeping Littles. It's like a law of nature or something. Guess the Duggars are pretty relaxed people!!!! At night time anyway.

I want my job back

2011-06-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

Children are a blessing. We should be so thankful for each and every one of them and treasure every last living second we have with them.

But sometimes I have the kind of day where I want to scream from the rooftop "I WANT MY JOB BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ever had one of those?

The End

staining the nice clothes

2011-05-25T07:12:00.002-07:00

I have a slight obsession with Matilda Jane clothes. With three daughters, we go a little crazy with the clothes. These are well made, unique, boutique quality pieces. They make it all the way down the sister line. Sounds great right? RRRRRRRNNNNNNN (that was meant to sound like a buzzer... you know, like the one that ends the half at a basketball game. NOTE: do basketball games even have halves???? I DO know they have buzzers!!!)

Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you try, it is always the nice clothes that get messed up? My kid could have on a black shirt all week long. Make mud pies. Finger paint. Wave around a fist full of permanent markers. And that crappy black shirt I hate and am hoping, praying will get a tear or a stain or ANYTHING that would give me just the littlest excuse to throw it away stays clean and neat and in mint condition.

But when the same kid has on a white shirt, or even worse, that beautiful designer dress you bought because you just loved it and she would look sooooooo cute in it at church (how can you even get dirty going to church, right????).... yeah that dress. After wearing it for 4.5 seconds it has ketchup on it. And no one was even eating. It was like a drop of red just fell randomly from the ceiling and landed.right.there. on the dress.

On the same token your son could wear his ugly Target pants (not that all Target pants are ugly...just this pair in particular)while wresting an alligator in a tub of syrup and you dern well know nothing will happen to those pants. But the moment Son slips into those GAP kids board shorts all heck breaks loose. He falls on air and skins the knees. (are patches still cool????) And later snags them on a feather and there is now a hole in the booty.

Does this only happen to me? Sometimes I feel like I need to invest in a giant hamster wheel for my kids whenever they are wearing something I actually like. And or paid a lot of money for. And it does not even have to be just the expensive stuff. After all, I know better (does not mean I do not do it!!!!) than to buy anything fancy for a child. God forbid I become one of those helicopter moms always yelling "DON'T TOUCH THAT! STEP AWAY FROM THE SANDBOX. YOU CAN JUST WATCH THE OTHER KIDS PLAY" and weird stuff like that. Nope. all you have to do is like the outfit and you might as well just kiss it goodbye. And smear in your lipstick while you are at it. Because only the good stuff gets messed up. Boo

I like it....today

2011-05-22T13:19:00.000-07:00

Grocery shopping. The bane of my existence. It is so hard to get everything we need, make it healthy(ish), and try not to spend an Ivy League tuition at Publix every two weeks. But I do my best.

I try try try to have Maple and Brown sugar steel cut oats for my Hubby. And I try try try to always have 40,000 bananas for the baby. Oh, and don't forget the Greek yogurt in ONLY vanilla flavor for the kindergartener. Whew.... It is a lot of work loving this family!!

Which is why I get irate when they decide they all.of.a.sudden do not like something. Is it just me or are can children's taste buds change on a dime????? Yesterday, and in fact, for the last 6 months of your life, you have eaten scrambled eggs. Yesterday, YESTERDAY you begged me to make them for you. So why WHYYYYY????????? this morning when I need to scoot out the door for a dentist appointment did you throw ALL your eggs on the floor and refuse to eat them???????????????

Why, after slaving in the kitchen making spaghetti for everyone BECAUSE YOU EAT IT ALL THE TIME AND LOVE IT, did you shake your head, turn up your nose, and say "But I don't like spaghetti"??????????/ Ummm, you mean you do not like spaghetti since last Tuesday????????? WTHeck

What am I supposed to do with the 13,000 boxes of spaghetti I have stocked up in the pantry? What chemical change actually occurred in your brain to make you UNlike spaghetti? You do realize I just purchased two bunches of organic bananas JUST FOR YOU. Is there a chromosome in kids that makes them like something for 6 months and then all of a sudden (perhaps even mid-meal) find it repulsive? Maybe it is the "Things that make my mom wanna hide in the closet and cry" gene.

I do not care when it is something "weird" like asparagus. But I want to throw the plate through a window when it is something like strawberries. I mean, kids, there are a few things that EVERY kid is supposed to like. We moms have to have a few guarantees in this parenting thing. Just one!!!!! So when you do not like grapes, we go nuts. Bananas even.

Coffee and Creaks (not creeps)

2011-05-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

I am a coffee girl. Well, a cafe au lait girl to be precise. I am pretty sure there is three times the amount of milk in my mug than actual coffee, but that is just how I like it. Back off! In our family the grind to water ratio is high. In fact you might be able to braid our coffee if you got bored. So unless I want to freak out my kids, "Hi.wanna.play.let's.play.a.game.come.on.let's.play.let's.do.something!!!!!!" I need to dilute it with milk.

There is nothing like that first cup of coffee in the morning. Warm, delicious. Prop up your feet. Lay out on the couch. Flip through House Beautiful. Quiet. Except for my obnoxious gulping. Ahhhhhhhhh. If my day could begin like this my kids would be speaking Latin by the afternoon.

What really happens? I wake up at 6:40 WIDE AWAKE. The kind of wide awake where laying in bed is just uncomfortable. The kind where you spring up ready to face the day. But I know that if I make too much noise I will wake one of the Littles and then my Mommy Morning will be ruined. Now, my kids do not RUIN my life or my morning. But it is just not the same to have them downstairs at 6:40!!!!! when I want some coffee/magazine/silent time. Because it turns into put on a cartoon/get me another waffle please/now I am thirsty/laughing loudly/can I use your computer time. So what is a girl to do?

Creep. That's right. Just like TLC told you to. Well, perhaps the context is a little different here. You tip toe like a member of the Get Osama Bin Laden Seal Team. S.l.o.w.l.y turning the knob, being sure to fully release the handle so it doesn't pop back and make noise. Whew. You made it out of your master bedroom. Level 1 complete.

Next, you must face the stairs. This is level 2. If you clear this part of the board, you can likely defeat the Enemy. You hunch over down low, trying your best to evenly distribute your weight so you don't trigger the booby trap that is the right corner of the top step. Then you hold onto the hand rail while tip toeing down to step 4. DO NOT accidentally hit step 3. NOOOOO!!! Step 3 creaks really badly. After almost slipping on the pair of flip flops you forgot to put away you safely hit the bottom level. 50 bonus points for you.

Your next opponent in The Coffee Pot, an old nemesis and very unpredictable. You know what you must do. You have to gently slide the pot out of the base, turn on the water to where it drips out but NOT where it makes that really loud ringing noise that mean some washer needs to be fixed or something. Then you have to open the cabinet and get a filter. Now, because you are actually TRYING to be quiet, you open the door into your head. Hard. Mentally you say a few words your grandmother wouldn't like very much and you resume your mission. You drop the box of filters, hitting every plate and bowl along the way. Finally, one is extracted from the box and you get the coffee. So far the Littles are still asleep. Victory is in sight! But as you get the three (READ: seven) scoops of coffee out of the vintage tin you somehow manage to hit the lip of the pot with the spoon and scatter grains EVERYWHERE. Did I mention EVERYWHERE? So now you have a mess to clean up. Oh 6:00 a.m. joy!!!

Okay, the coffee is brewing. And this morning, of all mornings, it is gurgling like a sleeping giant and hissing like that cat your son thought was fun to poke with a stick at the park. After what feels like a Catholic wedding ceremony, the coffee is done. It is finished. Only you are so frazzled from all the attempt at quiet that you can barely relax enough to enjoy it. But you do!! Congrats Mom, you win a magazine to read in silence. For now

The Elusive Dressing Room

2011-05-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently had twins. And they are the cutest. Sigh. On FB she was sharing how hard it was to take them shopping. Clearly these are her "first." Seasoned moms know that "kids" and "shopping" are like plaid and polka dots. Not a good idea together.

I am confident that the last Dressing Room I used was in the Clinton Administration. Have you tried to push a stroller through those doors? Getting my post baby hips into that small a space is traumatic enough. The last thing I need is to have to stand 3 millimeters from the Fun House Fat mirror because my daughter is in there, too.

I think in Heaven Mom's will have dressing rooms and angels to babysit. Half my clothes don't fit. It might be because I gained a few thousand pounds gestating three kids. But I am going to tell myself that it is really that I do not have time to try on clothes anymore so I keep buying the wrong size. Yeah, that's it.

And you know when you do lose your mind and actually attempt to take your little ones into a Dressing Room with a few items to try on, you select the handicap room. Now, I hope this comes across the right way, but shopping with kids is a handicap. If my husband gets one for sucking at golf, I sure as heck should get one for trying to buy clothes that FIT (the audacity of me, I know) while pushing a stroller, toting a diaper bag, and a very alive and alert baby!!!!!

You are stripping down faster than a groom on his honeymoon in a mad dash to try on all your items before Baby gets bored. Or hungry. Or sleepy. And you well know that Child has been in the best mood, which is why you THOUGHT this would work in the first place. Only to change into Psycho Baby the minute to enter the room. Clothes are flying, pants are dropping, granny panties are flashing, goldfish are crumbled, your cell phone is drooled on... and maybe just maybe something you like fit.

If a store really wants to make money, it should have a balloon dude or magician in the front lobby of the dressing room. Park your kids, go try on your clothes, and then pay. Last, pick up your kids.

A Mother's Mothers Day

2011-05-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

Things that make me Smile

2011-05-04T15:28:00.001-07:00

My New Obsession

2011-04-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Pinterest in my new crack. Not that I was really into old crack. But it is equally addicting. Here is a page I made after I took my daughters strawberry picking this morning. Click the link below...

Strawberry Picking

As a note to self: Do not put your one year old in WHITE pants when going strawberry picking. Because she may just plop down on 10000000 strawberries and look like she has been paint balling with a monochromatic gun. Ever have those moments where you think, " WHAT WAS I THINKING?" Or more like, Why WASN'T I thinking????? Seriously, this is my third girl. It is not like I do not know better. And even if this was my first, I am pretty sure that common sense dictates that red, juicy, strawberries, babies, and WHITE are not a good combo. I guess I just got so excited that we can wear white since Easter has passed and all that my brain fell out. I am convinced there is a correlation between the number of children you have and Mommy's IQ. For every baby you subtract 10 points off the top. So although I used to be gifted, I am quite sure I am much closer to the middle of that precious bell curve. With the exception of my "You really should stop breeding" moment, we had a great time.

Next year we will all wear black. If you see me at the Farm, no mother, I haven't gone Gothic. I just didn't want to Spray and Wash this go round.

Gardening

2011-04-23T04:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Easter. Just in case you haven't been to Kroger since February 15 when they started putting all the stuff out. I LOVE Easter. And not because of Peeps. Yuck. Although no offense to anyone who likes them (namely, my Hubbs).

I love Easter because of all the new. Our grass is a gorgeous shade of green. Well, except for that patch by the sandbox where the baby thinks it is hilarious to throw the sand over the edge, but everywhere else is lookin good. The garden has actually really taken off. My thumb is whatever color green is not. But somehow the kids and I did something right. That or God felt sorry for my kids and decided to prosper the garden in spite of my lack of skills. Either way I am pumped!

Flowers are everywhere and there is beginning to be some color spread around the landscape. Love love love. And... did I tell you about our foxes? We have a Mama and 6 pups. At first I was a little freaked out. I mean, we play in the backyard a lot. And yes there are moments where one of my kids frazzles the ole nerves but usually that is when I am being selfish anyway. So I WOULD like to keep them all. But the more research we did said that foxes were no problem and that gardeners (real ones, not posers like me) lure them in to keep snakes, bunnies, and chipmunks in check. Okay bring on the cute puppies!

So all of this new has been going on around our house. Oh, and did I tell you the baby started walking? That will be its own post later, but still it is exciting. She is pretty proud of her new development. Spring has been in full effect. And tomorrow is the best part. Easter. God is amazing. His plans are good. And Easter is a great reminder every year of His ability and desire to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary. I might not be a Master Gardener, but He is. I'll have a Peep to that!

Motherhood summer

2011-04-21T04:56:00.001-07:00

Motherhood summer by Adorman featuring round sunglasses

most of these items are from GAP and Old Navy. The orange tote is just for the idea. I would not spend that much on something my kid is going to sneak a melted popsicle into.

Baby Weight Gone French Style

2011-04-21T04:12:00.000-07:00

On my side of the globe Spring is in full effect and Summer is right around the corner. And it lasts for a while! I absolutely love being outside and my kids are nature freaks. And as an added bonus a little healthy sunshine is great for sucking all that boundless energy our little Smalls seem to have in endless supply.

All great so far. But now that I have three Smalls I am finding that working out just aint happenin. My husband says things like, just go before they all wake up. Ummm, yeah. Let me get up at 5:00 in the morning and go running instead of sleep. I pretty much won't trade my sleep for ANYTHING. I am not even sure that if Pottery Barn or Anthropologie had a "everything is FREE" sale at 5:00 a.m. I would get up. Well, okay. For that I would sacrifice anything. But still...

So this whole, how do I stay in great healthy shape, enjoy my darling little kiddos, have time for my super hot husband, keep up with my precious home, and still find time for myself here and there. And then I remembered a book I thought sounded interesting. Enter French Women Don't Get Fat.

I think EVERY woman should read this book. It is so simple and yet so against the American cultural grain (but in a good way). The basic advice is that you do NOT need to sweat it out at the gym for an hour 5 times a week to be in healthy shape. And my fav.or.ite reminder from this book is that diets are BAD!! Which I have always believed. All they do is set your body up for failure. Your health should be a LIFESTYLE... not an impossible plan.

French Women Don't Get Fat reminds us to
1. Eat REAL food (not processed, not unseasonal, not lab created)
2. Get off your bum (walk everywhere you can; take the stairs; do little things all day that keep you moving)
3. Indulge in small quantities (avoids binging on that thing you have been avoiding for too long)
4. Eat art (meals should be amazing in quality, presentation, and taste)
5. Drink water (just water...not Vitamin water or anything added to it)

There were a few more, but you can read it for yourself. Totally worth it. There are even recipes. Good ones. So in honor of looking nice and healthy this Summer, here are a few bathing suit ideas that shouldn't scare you. Bien!

Duh, lady

2011-04-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am a Southern girl. Okay, I am technically from California, but I have lived in the South long enough to say ya'll and lady and sugarbritches. Well, not that last one but you get my point. My good Southern manners have taught me to say "I am fine" when really I am on the brink of an internal meltdown or sorts and they have also taught me to hold my tongue.

But gosh dern it if there are not times I just want to look and people and say "No stinkin kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Unsure what I mean? Here is a list of things I WISH I could say:

- to the lady at the check out lane who looks at my 7 month old and says "My, I bet your tooties sure are cold!"
What she means: You poor neglected child. If your mother REALLY loved you she would put socks on you. Your mom sucks.

What I want to tell her: SHUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT YOUR PIE HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can tell by the seven single socks peering out the top of my ginorma-purse, my daughter takes off her socks. I am not sure how developmentally advanced babies were 10,000 years ago when you had a kid, but these days they can actually remove their socks. Amazing. Go ahead, put her socks on.Again. And let me know how many NANOseconds it takes her to take them off. I HAVE done this before.

- to my mother who keeps saying "Oh, baby, you really need a haricut"
What she means: Your bangs are in your eyes and they drive me nuts. I want your mom to cut your bangs. Or put a barrette in your hair. I don't think she cares about your appearance. Maybe I should buy you some hair clips. Even though you have 2 sisters, you must not have any hair accessories in your house at all."

What I want to tell her: "Hair grows. I know, it might sound strange, but I promise if you just wait several months (she's only one!)her now-bangs will actually be hair. That I can put in a ponytail or a cute clip or a headband. Oh, and we DO have hairclips. But Baby R has these weird things at the end of her arms called hands. And she, get this, USES them to pull any and every hair accessory off her head.Everytime. Yes, that was EVERYtime. And if you think I am going to cut her bangs, I ask you to refer to Exhibit A. The picture of her oldest sister at Christmas 2006 where I caved into your pressure and pixie butchered her bangs. Really, she looked like a 1950's biker chick. Or an extra from Dusk Till Dawn. It was b.a.d. So NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I will not cut her hair."

But of course I would never say these things.Out loud. Because these darlin women are just trying to make polite conversation. They know not what they do to my psyche. So I hush and smile and move on. But I do, on occassion, hope that someone with an obscene number of coupons gets in front of them in line.

And here are a few of my favorite
1. Baby socks (only Trumpette brand doesn't fall off. the others are scams!)
2. Kid tights and knee highs (Garnett Hill)
3. A.dor.able hair accessories (J Crew headband; Joyfolie clips)
ALL of which my children will use and keep on when they are old enough. Right now everything is edible. Duh, lady.

Mommy Math

2011-04-11T04:46:00.001-07:00

When I was in school I learned Algebra and Geometry and Calculus. Or at least I was supposed to. But there is, in fact, another branch of the mathematics family you learn only after having children. It is called Mommy Math. Consider this your first lesson.

1. The Right Bank Babies dress you want to get retails at $60. But it is reversible so really it is like getting 2 dresses at $30! Not so bad now. And..... you have 3 girls who would all eventually don this darling garment, so really you are only spending $5 per child per reversible side. $5!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who can turn down a designer dress for $5?????? That would just be silly. Right, honey?!

2. A hot date dinner with Daddy usually runs around $50 ish. Plus the cost of a babysitter. And gas if you want to be all Dave Ramsey about it. So let's just estimate that an evening out with the Mr. is $100. Ouch. Not something that can be done on a too regular basis. Buuuuuuutttttttttt.... you didn't have to buy groceries for tonight AND you are getting to chat with Hubs AND (see how great this is) a little healthy break from the Littles is saving you THOUSANDS in therapy. Or just the legal fees you might incur if you went loony and, GASP, spanked your kid in the Dollar Aisle at Target for spitting at you and some pretentious onlooker reported you for child abuse (I am pretty sure that is what they call "discipline" these days). So really, you are MAKING money by going out on a date.

3. The Miraculous Bra from Victoria's Secret runs about $50. Now, really I can stop right here. NO MAN IN HIS RIGHT MIND will EVER EVER EVER baulk at ANY money given to a lingerie store. EVER. I can spend $800 a month FEEDING my family of 5 with healthy, organic food and get a tisk about the cost. But I could spend $10,000 on LaPerla sexy unmentionables and my husband would write me a thank you note. This little lesson is Man Math, but that is for another post. So, back to the Miraculous Bra. $50.

Yes, $50 is slightly steep for a bra. Especially when it covers "ladies" that have nursed a child or two. Hardly worth the investment. It's like buying Silk Trading Co. curtains for your garden shed (that has been graphittied and through a tornado and is made out of Jell-O instead of perky wood, but again I digress). However, when you apply the theories of Mommy Math $50 is nothing. You COULD be spending $5000 on plastic surgery to lift those ladies back up and re-inflate them. If an Aerobed comes with a pump, I don't see why boobs can't either. So the Miraculous Bra is SAVING you $4550 in medical fees. I personally believe that post-baby plastic surgery should be covered by insurance, but nobody asked me.

4. You need a new couch. If you are from anywhere but the South you might need a "sofa." There is one at IKEA for $400 and one at Macy's (or Rich's or whatever it is these days) for $700. But the one you REALLY want is at Room & Board and it is $2000. Hmmm, a whole 0 more than the one from IKEA. But think about it this way. The IKEA couch most likely cannot stand up to a LIFETIME of kid. I am pretty sure it is not 8 way hand tied and all that stuff. And you would have to spend money to get it super Scotchguarded and then it would also need to be replaced every 5 years because the frame is sagging. Did I mention you have to put it together yourself? So for the next 20 years that is 4 couches. $400(sofa) + $50 (assembly) + $100 (delivery) + $2000 (shrink bill for you and hubby having to agree on a piece of furniture 4 times) all times 4= $10,200. See? You should have just purchased the Room & Board option and be done with it.

The next time you are considering buying something, don't forget your Mommy Math. It can save you oodles. And your boobs will look great---clothed anyway!

How I Survived IKEA with 3 Youngsters

2011-04-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

Some of my prayers from yesterday:

Dear God please let there be a spot in the Family Friendly section at IKEA.
Lord, let us all fit on this palate.
Father, give K the strength to hold onto her baby sister so she doesn't fall off this thing. And if anyone who works for DFACS happens to be shopping here today, please shield them from the baby crawling down aisle D 28 Bin 42. And, God, please remove any germs my child could be picking up crawling on said floor. Although I do think the Swedes keep a pretty clean establishment. Please take away the thoughts I have for those 4 college boys who are watching me try to load these really heavy, really long boxes onto this rolling contraption, probably taking pictures on their smartphones of the Maniac Mom. Running them over with my cart. multiple times. would not be the best example to my children. Right?

Lord, help me navigate this monstrosity without knocking down a display or Lack table or even some poor unsuspecting college student looking at the outdoor lights. The force of impact could throw baby R overboard. Which she would think is fun. And then she would just try to dive over the side over and over again while I am paying. It would not be pretty. And although I usually have some sort of uncanny ability to choose the longest, slowest line...today let me get in the line all the other people get to experience. God, I also want to thank the woman at the bank who, when she cashed my $300 check, gave me all tens and twenties that I now have to feed into the self-checkout machine one wrinkled bill at a time.

Praise to IKEA for selling their giant blue reusable bags. Baby R found the crinkling noise to be most entertaining. Not sure the kind people in line behind us found it quite as pleasing to the ear, but it did keep her happy. And stationary. Lastly, God, thanks for the 2 gentlemen (who probably got tired of hearing me grunt like a tennis player trying to angle all those boxes into the back of my truck)who stopped to assist the Mom clearly on the edge of sanity in the parking lot. Their help staved off my meltdown. Till 7:45pm when A wanted to change into a princess dress to play in the sandbox despite the fact that on a normal day she would have already been in bed listing to Little House on the Prairie. Apparently I am "the worstest mom ever," but I digress...

Anyhoo, God, thanks for all you did to ensure that my Expedit bookcase and all of my children (not the soap opera) made it home in one piece without any drama (ok, just my normal Valley Girl variety). I know I could have waited until Saturday when Hubby is home and could have helped. But you know how I am. I COULDN'T LOOK AT THE MESSY PLAYROOM FOR ANOTHER SECOND. OMG!!!!!! LITERALLY. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PILES OF HOMESCHOOL STUFF IN THE CORNER OF THE GUEST ROOM JUST AWAITING ORGANIZATION??? WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO. I probably should stop yelling at you. BUT WHEN YOU GET THAT ITCH TO DECORATE AND ORGANIZE AND GET ALL THOSE TOYS IN AN ADORABLE LABELED BASKET. YOU JUST CANNOT WAIT.ANOTHER.SECOND. So thanks. And Amen.